The Freedom Machine — sam way explores

I’m slowly adjusting to this new sense of freedom. Part of that has been figuring out what I want to do with it. Journaling has always been a great outlet for me and despite being able to acknowledge that, I’ve never stuck to it very regularly (unless we count my LiveJournal period in middle school; full disclosure: my journal is still active and I update it every couple of years for posterity). I haven’t been very present over the last few months and part of that is due to the amalgam of thoughts that have overtaken my brain; they have made it hard to think, to plan, to reflect, and to enjoy life.

So, I’m journaling again. For the last few weeks, I’ve made sure to take my lunch break outside, and I use this time to write. It’s been helpful in that I am able to clear my head of the thoughts that can be so obtrusive and so burdensome, and, also, it has helped my social circle to grow: I made a new friend who is an injured pigeon who finds me every day while I journal.

I know that I let work define my life more than it should, so I’ve been working on prioritizing how I actually want to spend my time. I read an article the other day and it asked, “Who would you be if work was no longer the axis of your life?” I wrote this prompt down in my journal so that it would remind me to ask myself this question. Now, it’s not that I haven’t asked myself a similar question before but in the past, the question was always, “If I could have any job, what would it be?” My answer, for the last 10+ years has always been that I would do wildlife rehabilitation. I worked in a wildlife clinic for several years and that was the job I’ve loved most. When I did ask myself this question, I didn’t have this sense of freedom and autonomy that I’m finally starting to explore and my answer was still centered around a specific career. I was taught that my career would define me.

So now, instead of asking myself what my job would be, I’m asking myself, “Who would I be?” While I’m still figuring this out, I now have no doubt that my answer would include “cyclist.” I never would have predicted this for myself but then I think about what being a cyclist encompasses for me - I think about being in the outdoors on my bike, I think about being able to write about those experiences, I think about the opportunities I have for teaching and sharing, I think about the people I have met because of cycling, and I think about what all these things mean to me. My bicycle has become my machine for freedom - I have seen things, thought things, explored things, and felt things that would never have become a part of me had it not been for my bicycle.

The other day, I had the opportunity to have a haiku written for me. I spoke with the poet briefly and received the following:

I have tales to tell.

I joined Girls Bike NYC to try and make some friends and it’s working!!! I was never a social butterfly but I also was never the recluse that I am today. I have been telling myself to try and get out more - once I do it, I know I’ll enjoy it! I was listening to WNYC the other morning (FYI - I only listen to talk radio so don’t ask me if I know any hip, new jams y’all have been getting down to) and heard about this comedy show in Soho called, “Solo. A show about friendship.” Fitting in so many ways! I reached out to Sivan, from Girls Bike NYC, and asked if she would be interested in going with me. It turns out, she goes to comedy shows all the time, had heard about this show last week, and was interested in going. What are the odds?! Sivan and I met at Houston Hall for a quick drink before the show and we got to know each other a bit better. It’s funny to see people you ride with off of their bicycles. Sivan didn’t even know how short I am because we’re always on our bikes when we’re together!

We walked a few blocks to the Soho Playhouse and the show wound up being great! This was the first time I had been out with a friend in a LONG time. I was proud of myself for making these plans and was so, so happy to get to hang out with Sivan outside of riding.

I also made plans with Polly, from Girls Bike NYC, and her co-worker for today’s Brooklyn Cranksgiving. I’ve never done a Cranksgiving before, so I was so excited when Polly invited me.

Cranksgiving is a food drive on two wheels. Part bike ride, part food drive, and part scavenger hunt. All you need is a bike, a bag, and a lock!

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a lot of pain in my right knee and had to bail. I am glad that I am actually getting better at listening to my body and Polly was very understanding, but I still insisted that we still hang out or ride together soon.

Since I didn’t feel up for riding, I wanted to make sure I at least stretched. My back pain is still pretty persistent, my muscles are extremely tight, and my right knee has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now. I have not been good about stretching, despite how helpful it is and how great I felt after my last hardcore stretching session. Today I rolled out the red carpet exercise mat and got to it with the foam roller I purchased a few weeks ago.